i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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