Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
