i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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