it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
