I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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