I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Randomize
