I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
