can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
