Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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