I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
