Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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