It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
