Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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