The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
