Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My pussy is not your playground.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
