I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
