The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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