this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
