my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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