ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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