I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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