I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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