yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
