i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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