So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
