i think my tv is drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
