This is not my ceiling
"it" just moved
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
