apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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