Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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