I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
