and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
