ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
