I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
