Your tits are I can't wait for
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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