do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
