Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
