You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
