i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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