We won't sleep together?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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