I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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