so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
