I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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