she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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