I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
