Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
