please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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