i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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