Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
