If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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