Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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